If I could summarize the last four months, I would use this sentence:
God's love is far-reaching and relentless.
I have learned more about our Father's love since Thanksgiving than I ever have before. And I still don't know that much. I just know that I am so far from His standard; that my love is so inadequate.
Because, you see, He pursues me with such endurance, such passion. I am defiant, filthy, and self-centered. He sent His Son "WHILE I WAS STILL A SINNER." Not after I cleaned up my act. Not after I fit His mold.
I have grown more in awe of the fact that He sent His SON for us. That he sacrificed everything for me. And in the meantime, He never sinned. He never grew frustrated and lost His temper. He never said things He shouldn't have, or grew apathetic. He loves me with a perfect love.
I'll just say it: This placement was so hard. And I did not handle every fit and tantrum like I should have. I threw a few tantrums of my own :) And every day I was reminded and in awe of the incredible lengths God went to save me.
To adopt me.
Tonight my Poptart is home with her family. She was SO excited to go back home, and we were excited for her. It was hard to see her get in that state vehicle and know that we would likely never see her again.
But something happened a few weeks ago that gave me hope.
K-Dawg's mother accepted Christ, along with her nine-year-old son.
So, again I say:
It's so worth it.